What did your mother say that made your jaw drop?

About 30 years back, I was speaking with my mother.

My mother said to me “ Why didn’t you speak to me about this before”

“Mum why is my sister such a bitch!”

Why is it that when the Democrats absolutely love everyone to be LGBTP, they don't even acknowledge that Barack Obama and his husband Big Mike are homosexual, and he is the first homosexual president of the USA?

So I said to my sister “ You mean to say that that you leave two empty seats rather than give them to your brother” I replied in astonishment. - “Well yes thats how it works in our circle!” responded my sister.

What on earth has brought this on, said my mother?

Well son “ I think I might have got you some tickets”

Why does Russia and many parts of Eastern Europe strangely have a high percentage of female doctors and physicians (~70%)?

Well I slept with the president of the Lawn tennis Association year ago, I think he may have remembered!!

True - how I loved my mum!

Well the other day she came into my shop asking for the usual discount and mentioned that she had tickets for the wimbledon Tennis final but couldn’t go.

What can you do if someone makes a false accusation against you?

What do you mean son?

She said, “Oh no I can’t give you our tickets, if we can’t go, well we don’t go - it is just not done to give away final tickets.”

Do you know what she said mum?

What was your most memorable combat mission during the Vietnam War?

Oh I said, can my wife have them she would give her right arm to see a Wimbledon tennis final?

Well she is so snotty, O.K. she may have married a bit of money, I don’t know but she feels she is above everybody else.

“Oh come off it mum what would be the point?”

In what ways does Islam oppress women?

What! how could you do that?